Judging and Being Judged: 2 key lessons

J is for Judging and Being Judged: A Mother’s View

“O my word, can he not keep his child under control? …. ‘Sorry about this, he’s screaming because he can’t have what he wants.’ Can you relate?

Judgement is all that came to mind when I considered my motherhood J. It’s so easy to judge others, isn’t it? It doesn’t take much to come to conclusions about people whose shoes we are not walking in; those whose lives we are not living.

Feeling judged

The issue of judging others has especially been on my mind since Precious Sparkle started toddling. I remember the day he staggered towards a friend’s child in our church’s library and lunged for his lunch; all the food ended up on the floor. He just stood there looking, as I rushed forward, took his hand, and started talking sternly to him about how that wasn’t the right way to behave.

My friends assured me that it was okay and that Precious Sparkle’s behaviour was within the realm of expected behaviour from little children. They sorted out the food on the floor whilst I took Precious Sparkle away. I know he didn’t have a clue why I got cross with him and I was quite surprised by my reaction too.

Why did I feel so cross and react so strongly? Why did I expect Precious Sparkle with his developing coordination, improving mobility,  limited speech, and growing understanding to know what was right or wrong in that situation?

I suppose I didn’t want my friends to think poorly of me; not that they would. I unconsciously assumed that they will see Precious Sparkle as poorly behaved. and this would reflect badly on me.

On reflection, I know this doesn’t make sense.

Judging others

I wonder if it’s because I’ve consciously and unconsciously judged other parents and their children before I put on the parenting shoes. I remember hearing stories about parents giving in to their children’s screams for e.g. a McDonald’s Happy Meal etc and thinking, “I’ll not be ONE OF THOSE PARENTS”. I remember seeing children run around in a way that I considered to be unruly and wondering about why their parents couldn’t curtail them.

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I admit that I have judged others’ ability to discipline their children and I don’t want others to judge me as ‘one of those parents who don’t …’.
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I now know that parenting is one of the (if not the) most difficult job in the whole wide world; I found out the hard way by having a child of my own. It is so much more difficult than I could ever have imagined, and I look at parents with so much more respect than I used.

2 Lessons

So, I’m learning to let go of the burden of feeling judged by others because it’s usually not the case. And you know what, even if it is, I don’t have the luxury of being bothered by it.

I also take a lot more care to avoid making judgements about others; I’m not living their lives and I have more than enough on my own plate.

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Do you ever feel judged by others, even when they are clearly not judging you? Why ?

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My April 2015 #AtoZChallenge: Considering my Motherhood journey from A – Z

Introduction                                                    || Theme reveal

A is for Ardo Calyso Breast Pump: Top 5 || B for Breastfeeding: Top 5   || C for Crawling baby Climbing Toddler  

D for Dry Skin not Eczema                          || E is for Exploring Toddler    || F is for Frugi: Top 5

G for Grapes in Baby Led Weaning            || H is for Hiccups                     || I is for Immunization

Linkup: Mama Scribbles, Twinkle Diaries & HDYDI #Twinkly Tuesday 28/04/15
Mummascribbles
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aNoviceMum

Founder | Writer I Editor I Manager
First-time Mum / Freelance Writer / Thinker / Educator / Business graduate / Improving Photographer / so much more. \\ Recording my mu-m-sings from the South East of England | Sharing lessons from my life's journey to encourage and inspire | Filled with gratitude for my faith, family, and friends.

11 thoughts on “Judging and Being Judged: 2 key lessons

  1. This is such an honest post. I too before I became a mother was so easy to judge on mothers. Mostly on things that I dont understand and now that I became one … it all makes sense why events are like that with kids. Being a mother changed me and I am still trying my best, learning on how not to judged people mothers or not on their actions. #pocolo
    Merlinda Little ( @pixiedusk) recently posted…A Blessing In DisguiseMy Profile

    • Thanks for your lovely comment. It’s so easy to judge when you’re in someone’s shoes, isn’t it. It’s incredible how motherhood really does change so much about us in a good way. I’m too busy trying to get it right … to busy to pay enough attention to the point of being temptedd to make judgements about other people’s choices 🙂

  2. This is something I am sure at one point all mums have struggled with. I was very much like this with my first child trying to perfect her behaviour but as motherhood does it has taught me so much and with my second I am very relaxed and I understand their behaviour is all part of developing and it is always changing. I really enjoyed your post something I can really relate to. X

    • Thanks so much for your very lovely comment, the last line especially put a smile on my face! 🙂 Motherhood does teach us much, doesn’t it! Being relaxed about the challenges on the way definitely deepens our joy, doesn’t it. 🙂

  3. Oh I have definitely been guilty of judging other parents before I was one. Now, if they are dealing with a difficult moment, I simply feel sympathy for them! Us parents definitely need to stick together. Although I think if Zach has a meltdown anywhere, I always feel like people must be judging me! Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday
    Lisa (mummascribbles) recently posted…Twinkly Tuesday 28/04/15My Profile

    • We sure do need each other and we do good to remember that we’re not alone. And you know what, I think our perception of feeling judged probably rarely matches up to the reality … and even if it does, o well, we know our reality and as such don’t have to be affected by it. Thanks for your lovely linky.

  4. Pingback: X-ray Vision: A Parenting Necessity - Adventures of a Novice Mum

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